A Parent’s Guide to 8th Grade

Ask any group of parents or educators to describe their eighth graders, and you’ll get a surprising and often contradictory range of responses. Eighth graders are often quiet and withdrawn, yet they’re often loud and outspoken. They keep pushing you away, yet they’re still deeply influenced by everything you say and do. They can make a perfectly reasonable argument as to why they should be allowed to date, yet they can’t seem to understand your perfectly reasonable argument for why they should wait. They want to be individuals, yet they want desperately to fit in.

Welcome to the drama of eighth grade! Your child is now a fullfledged adolescent, and she’ll experience profound physical, emotional, and intellectual changes during this roller coaster of a year. As she moves from childhood to adulthood, she’ll begin to look like a young woman, and she’ll begin to strive for the independence of adulthood, for which she’s not quite ready yet. And with the onset of puberty sometime between the ages of 11 and 15, your teen will become a heap

A Parent’s Guide to 8th Grade of hormones, undergoing changes and feeling emotions she won’t always understand. As a result, she’ll sometimes feel a little lost, sometimes a little scared, and often very confused as she struggles to figure out who she is and who she wants to be. That, of course, is where you come in. As much as your eighth grader may push you away, as much as you may feel he doesn’t want,you around, he does. He wants you to be involved in his life. He needs,you to be involved in his life. He needs you to know what’s happening to him and around him, especially in school where he may face pressure to conform or try drugs and where he’ll face a curriculum that challenges his developing reasoning skills. As the saying goes, “Little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems.” And your big kid will need you to help him work those problems out.

This web is designed to give you information and advice that will help you be a more effective parent to your eighth grade child. The web aims to give you an understanding of the whole eighth grade experience, the emotional, physical, and intellectual changes and challenges your child will face this year. This first chapter presents an overview of what your eighth grader is going through on these three fronts while the rest of the web develops key ideas more fully and offers concrete strategies for being an involved and effective parent.

The following chapters describe the eighth grade curriculum in detail, explain the stages of your
child’s social and emotional development, offer activities to supplement classroom learning, and suggest ways to develop a close relationship with your young teen. In addition, you’ll learn about the benefits of extracurricular activities, the standardized tests your child will face in eighth grade, how to explore possible career paths and higher education choices with your teen, and where to find some of the best magazines, books, CD-ROMs, and websites for you and your eighth grader.

THE SETTING: MIDDLE SCHOOL

In most school districts, students make the big leap from elementary to middle school in the sixth or seventh grade. “Middle school” is an appropriate term for these important school years (which in most school districts includes grades 6, 7, and 8 or grades 7, 8, and 9). As an eighth grader, your teen is in the middle of a whole lot of things between childhood and adulthood, between elementary school and high school, between dependence and independence. In some ways, the structure of the typical middle school helps students through these difficult transitions. But that structure can also frustrate students who are struggling with developmental issues. You already know from your child’s sixth and seventh grade years that middle school is no longer the child-centered place that elementary school was. Instead of sticking with the same teacher and the same group of peers throughout the year (a practice called “self-containment”), middle schoolers may change classrooms (and therefore teachers and classmates) up to eight times a day. They have to navigate from class to class on their own, and they are expected to know where to be, and when, and which assignment is due for each class. In their typical day they experience a variety of teaching styles and a range of different expectations.

WHAT’S EXPECTED OF YOUR 8TH GRADER

In eighth grade, your child will be faced with challenging courses that aim to prepare her for high school. Intellectually, your teen should now begin to approach problems systematically and think abstractly, and in school, she will be expected to be able to use these reasoning skills to analyze problems, make strong arguments, and explore abstractions. Your teen will also take important standardized tests during this year—tests that will show how your child’s academic skills measure up against other students and statewide standards. Though individual school curricula will vary, the typical eighth grade curriculum will expect students to attain the following knowledge and skills by the end of the year:

• Writing. Eighth graders will be expected to write narrative and persuasive essays that are well organized and that support a strong, clear thesis.
• Literature/Language Arts. Eighth graders will be expected to read and understand increasingly complex literature that often will be related to topics being covered in other classes.
• Civics. Eighth graders will be expected to understand the principles and structure of government, communication and the relationship constitution.
• History. Eighth graders will be expected to know the major events in the history of the United States through the twentieth century.
• Math. Eighth graders will be expected to solve introductory algebra and geometrical equations, interpret and create graphical representations of data, and understand and calculate probabilities and statistics.
• Science. Eighth graders will be expected to learn key principles of the physical, life, and earth sciences, including the structure of matter, the laws of force and motion, the basic principles of genetics, and the theory of evolution, and to know how to use the scientific method to solve scientific problems.
  

FACT: Most “every day” texts, like newspaper articles, magazine articles, websites, and brochures, are written at the eighth grade reading level.

The eighth grade curriculum also includes art, music, and physical education, and may include foreign languages and electives. In addition, by the eighth grade, students will be expected to take notes effectively, manage their time efficiently, and participate in class regularly and thoughtfully. Most schools will also expect students to know how to use both the library and computer to conduct basic research and how to use the computer for word processing. These expectations can add up to a lot of stress for your child. Eighth graders are under pressure to master certain skills and knowledge at a time when their bodies and feelings are changing at an unprecedented rate. They’re beginning to really feel the weight of the future as much talk begins to turn to high school and beyond. And their school day will often extend well into the evening with homework assignments that can add up to several hours each day. As a result, your eighth grader may become increasingly concerned with, and competitive about, grades and school performance.

While it’s important to watch for signs of stress in your teen and to help him develop strategies for dealing with academic pressure, do keep in mind that people (especially children) tend to live up to what’s expected of them. If your child’s school has high standards and seems to expect a great deal, take heart. The more rigorous the curriculum, the better prepared your child is likely to be for high school, and the more likely he will be challenged to achieve his full potential.

Outside the classroom, your teen will have the opportunity to participate in all sorts of extracurricular activities, from band to athletic teams to computer clubs. These extracurricular activities are an essential part of the middle school experience—so beneficial, in fact, that some educators believe they’re as important as the regular academic curriculum. These activities help reinforce academic and social skills and help develop important character traits such as discipline, responsibility, cooperation, and self-esteem.

CENTER STAGE: YOUR CHILD

The leading actor in this drama is, of course, your child, who is changing physically and emotionally in many important ways. A New Body Between the ages of 10 and 13, most girls experience a tremendous growth spurt, often reaching 95% of their full height. By the eighth grade, most have also begun to menstruate one of the most exciting and sometimes frightening rites of passage for females. They are now women who are capable of getting pregnant, and this change brings with it a new—and very serious—responsibility.

Sex Talk

Like it or not, eighth graders do a lot of thinking about the opposite sex, and most have probably already had their first “real” kiss. Some have begun experimenting with foreplay, and a few have even “gone all the way” by the eighth grade. (According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, one in three girls have had intercourse by the time they are 16 and two/thirds of boys lose their virginity by age 18.) The best protection against unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases is information, and the best person to give your child information is you. If your child knows the dangers, the responsibilities, and the joys of physical intimacy when the time is right, she’ll have more respect for her body and be more likely to behave responsibly. And if she’s heard this information from you and knows she can talk to you about these issues, she’ll have more respect for you, too. Boys typically take longer to finish growing (in fact, some boys don’t reach their full height until they turn 20). But they still undergo dramatic growth in the middle school years, though their big growth spurts (sometimes stretching several inches in one school year) often come a year later in the ninth grade. Facial hair is probably a few years away for most, but not for all, and many will notice their voices begin to crack and then deepen in the eighth grade.

Body Image Rules

With all of the changes their bodies are going through, eighth graders are particularly susceptible to “body image blues.” Bombarded with images of “perfect” supermodel and celebrity bodies, adolescents are likely to spend a lot of time fretting that they don’t measure up—that their breasts aren’t big enough, that they’re too short or too heavy, that they’re too “wimpy” to be attractive. Some worrying is natural, of course, but obsession with appearance can lead teens to dangerous territory, like anorexia, bulimia, or steroid use. When teens suffer from the body image blues, it’s important to help them be realistic about their appearance. For one thing, they’re younger than most of the models and celebrities they admire, and they still have several years of growing ahead. And, along with growth comes a natural loss of “baby fat” that disappears with age. Also, supermodels and celebrities look the way they do only after lots of manipulation through makeup, lighting, camera angles, and retouching of photographs. You can help your eighth grader by focusing on what’s positive about his or her appearance and, more importantly, about his or her attitude. After all, looks may attract, but personality is what makes someone stick around. Because different body parts grow at different rates, many eighth

graders go through an awkward or clumsy stage where their body parts don’t seem to match up and they seem to have trouble controlling their body. Hands and feet may seem too big for their arms and legs; their nose may seem too long or wide for their face; their teeth too prominent or eyes too closely set. They may trip over nothing and seem to be constantly knocking things over. Their body parts will soon catch up to one another, but in the interim, the awkwardness, like the acne that often accompanies puberty, can have a major impact on their self-esteem.

It’s important for parents and teens to remember that adolescents mature at different rates, too. Some girls start menstruating as early as nine; others not until they are 14 or 15. Some boys begin to grow facial hair as early as the seventh grade; others not until they’re off to college. Of course, your eighth grader will constantly be measuring herself against her peers. To keep a healthy self-esteem, she’ll need accurate information about what’s happening to her body and about how widely the ages for some of these changes can range.

Emotional Roller Coaster

The hormonal changes eighth graders experience can make them feel like they’re on an emotional roller coaster. One minute your daughter may be feeling happy and carefree; the next minute, she may burst into tears. Worse, she might have no idea why. Similarly, your son, who is normally optimistic, may suddenly find himself feeling despondent for no apparent reason.

Many teens know to expect the physical changes that come with puberty, but they may not know that their hormones can have a dramatic impact on their moods, too. It’s natural, then, for your eighth grader to be extremely sensitive—and important for you to be extremely sensitive, too.

New Friends, New Attitude

The social and emotional changes eighth graders experience are as dramatic as the physical. After all, it’s not only their bodies that are becoming more grown up. Eighth grade is a year of self-discovery in which teens are really struggling to figure out who they are. They desperately want to be independent of you, but at times they still need you just as much. This dependence will often frustrate them because they want to be more grown up than they really are. At this age your child will also begin grappling with important moral issues. Your teen will likely be facing questions about premarital sex, drug use, and violence, and he’ll know people (including some of his classmates) who are engaging in one or more of these activities.

Your teen will need lots of guidance in navigating these complex issues and resisting peer pressure to participate. Friendships and peer groups are particularly important for eighth graders as they develop a strong self-concept; after all, our friends help us define who we are. Friendships are often strong but may be fickle as teens discover more about themselves and search for others who share more of their interests. Kids who seem to be good friends can also be surprisingly cruel to each other. Because their feelings are so easily hurt, eighth graders will often hurt others as a kind of defense mechanism. And because they are so sensitive and so afraid of not being liked, they often try to protect their vulnerability by appearing tough or indifferent.

Spare Time Favorites

What do eighth graders like to do in their spare time? The top interests of the typical eighth grader usually include playing sports, listening to music, and using the computer. It’s important to encourage your child’s interests, which help him develop a strong identity and often provide excellent opportunities to develop important social skills. Even all those hours chatting online help your teen learn how to express himself and get along with others. Your child’s taste in music is likely to be very different from your own, but it deserves extra respect. Music can express emotions that your teen may be feeling but may not be able to articulate, and the music your teen enjoys may speak to her in a way that really helps her cope with those feelings. Take the time to listen to your teen’s favorites and talk to your child about the music that moves her. Eighth graders can be surprisingly rude, too. Many parents wonder what happened to their little angel who never talked back, who never questioned their authority. But this rebellion against authority yours, their teachers’, indeed any adult’s—is an important part of an adolescent’s social and emotional development. It’s healthy (though you may find it awfully annoying, coming from your child) for your teen to ask why one person has the right to tell another what to do.

Teens can’t truly respect authority unless they understand it, and this kind of questioning can help them understand why people around them make the rules that they do. In eighth grade, it’s more important than ever to fit in, and you can expect your child’s peers to exert a great deal of pressure upon her about everything from the clothes she wears to the music she listens to, even to the way she interacts with you and others in the family. She may seem to care much more about what her friends think than what you think. But don’t be fooled—as indifferent as your child may seem to your input, your eighth grader is deeply concerned with what you think and feel.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: YOU

Parents and families are the first and most important teachers. If families teach a love of learning, it can make all the difference in the world to our children. - RICHARD W. RILEY, FORMER U.S. SECRETARY OF EDUCATION

Though you may often feel as if your eighth grader doesn’t want you around, you are far more important to your child—and far more instrumental a factor in his or her success or failure—than you and your child may realize. Every day your child must make important decisions about how to handle academic and social situations. Every day your teen may face peer pressure to do potentially dangerous or destructive things. Your involvement in your teen’s life is the best way to help your teen make the right decisions. Being Involved at School When parents are involved in their children’s education, everyone benefits. Students get better grades, and, more importantly, they have a more positive attitude about school, about their families, and about themselves. By being involved, you will be able to better understand what goes on in your child’s school and the pressures on and expectations of your child both in and out of the classroom.

Negative Attention

When children don’t get enough attention from their parents, they often resort to bad behavior to get Mom or Dad to pay heed. This is as true of teens as it is of toddlers. They may know they’re going to get in trouble for what they do, but they’ll take that negative attention over no attention at all. Paying positive attention to your teen is one of the best ways to prevent unwanted behavior. Get in the habit of noticing what your teen is doing and offer specific praise when you catch your teen doing something right. It probably seems a lot harder to be involved at your eighth grader’s school than it did when she was in kindergarten. Opportunities for involvement, such as parties and field trips, seemed to come along regularly in elementary school; now they don’t come along as often. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of ways to participate in your child’s education. There are several things you can do, including:

1. Read everything that comes from your child’s school. Know the curriculum, understand school policies, take note of activities that you or your child may be interested in, pay attention to issues that are being raised, and watch for opportunities to become involved, such as chaperoning special events or volunteering for school fundraisers.
2. Know who is teaching your child and what they’re teaching. Meet your teen’s teachers as early as possible in the school year; ask for meetings if they aren’t regularly scheduled. Be sure to meet the guidance counselor, too.
3. Volunteer at your child’s school. With cutbacks in education, parent volunteers are more important than ever and the wealth of extracurricular activities at most middle schools offer a terrific opportunity to get involved. For example, you might become an assistant coach, a guest speaker, or a chaperone for special outings and events; you can help with fundraisers, school mailings, and other organizational tasks. Think about your areas of expertise and how you might be of service to your teen’s school, and watch for volunteer opportunities in school flyers and announcements. As a volunteer, you’ll get a closer look at what goes on in school, and you’ll set a wonderful example for your teen by providing an important community service.
4. Join the parent organization at your child’s school (the Parent-Teacher Association (PTA), Parent-Teacher Organization (PTO), Parent Club, or other variation). These organizations promote communication between the school and home, keeping parents informed about school issues and giving parents a say in what’s happening at the school. They often sponsor fundraisers that can help bring positive activities or amenities (such as books, sports equipment, and computers) to your teen’s school.
   

You’re the Most Powerful Influence

“Kids who learn from their parents or caregivers about the risks of drugs are 36 percent less likely to smoke marijuana than kids who don’t. Fifty percent less likely to use inhalants. 50%-60% less likely to use LSD. Still think there’s not much you can say or do? You are the most powerful influence in your child’s daily life.”

—BARRY MCCAFFREY,

Being Involved at Home

While it’s important to be involved at school, your biggest impact will come from your involvement at home. To give your teen the support he needs during this year of academic challenges and physical and intellectual changes:

1. Make education a priority at home. Establish clear guidelines for when and where homework should be done and make sure homework takes precedence over other activities. Provide a supportive learning environment at home and create a comfortable and personalized study area for your child.
2. Talk with your teen. Ask questions and let your teen know that you care about what’s going on. Avoid preaching to and judging; instead, speak honestly and openly about your emotions and your concerns, and be sure to talk to your teen about important issues such as drugs, sex, and violence. (Remember, if you don’t talk to your teen about these matters, someone else will.)
3. Listen to your teen. When your teen talks, make sure you listen. We convey more through tone than through the actual words we use. If you’re not listening carefully, you may miss out on the signals your teen is trying to send you and the signal you’ll send your teen is that you don’t really care about what she has to say. As you listen, paraphrase what your teen is saying to be sure you understand your teen correctly, and always acknowledge how your teen feels. Even if you think your teen is being overly emotional and immature (he is, after all, still only an adolescent), it’s important to recognize that his feelings are real. If you tell him he shouldn’t be feeling a certain way, he might not be willing to share his feelings with you in the future.
4. Model good behavior. Be a good role model for your teen. Act morally and responsibly; demonstrate trustworthiness, fairness, and reliability; and always treat others, especially your teen, with respect. Your teen can learn by your example. She is not likely to appreciate being punished for showing up late to school if you are always late for work. Actions will speak louder than words when your teen is growing into adulthood.
   

PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE

Your teen has a wonderful, exciting year ahead a year full of changes and challenges that will help him become a more complete person. Physically, he will develop a new body; intellectually, he will develop important reasoning and problem-solving skills; emotionally, he will develop an independent identity as he forms close relationships with his peers; and academically, he will be asked to think about things and express himself in increasingly sophisticated ways.

It will be a wonderful year, but it may often be a difficult year for both of you as your relationship with your child changes as she strives for more and more independence. Childhood is now in the past, adulthood is still yet to come, and your teen is very much in the middle of things during this important transitional year.